In The Sun
by PersephonesNauticalNun
Summary: Kind of AU, while still maintaining the essence of the show. Spencer graduates high school in Ohio, and doesn't meet Ashley until she moves to LA for college. Brand new fic. Not part of my other series.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes**

_Now for my not so long awaited new Spashley story. Right on for me. This fic is slightly AU. I kind of wanted to experiment with how Spencer and Ashley's relationship might go if Spencer's family wasn't in the picture, so I kept her in Ohio until she graduated high school, and she's now going to college in LA with Ashley. Dun dun dun. Let's see how things go, shall we? Also, make a note that I have never seen the UCLA campus, so I'm forced to base it off of my own. Sorry about that. There's not a lot going on in this chapter. It's kind of like an intro. So, yeah. Let's see where this goes._

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own the South Of Nowhere characters. They belong to Tom Lynch._

**In The Sun**

**Chapter 1**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

- Spencer -

I felt my body give an involuntary shudder as the wind picked up, blowing my long blond hair about my face. I had been in California for a few months, but the sunrises still took my breath away. It was a new morning, a Sunday to be exact. I hadn't gone to bed the night before, but I was wired. I never slept on the weekends.

I let my thoughts wander to my hometown in Ohio. Sure, it was nice to watch the sun peak out above the mountains, but I found the clear view of the sun as it made its way across the country much prettier.

I had graduated from a small town in middle America. Out of my class, I was the one who moved the farthest away from home. My family had been supportive, as a general rule. The move was hard on my mom. I was her baby, and I guess it was hard for her to let me go.

It was the start of my second semester at UCLA, and it was cold out, what with it being the middle of January. It had stormed the night before, and I was sitting in the aftermath. It was sprinkling lightly, but not enough to make me want to leave my perch on the railing outside the campus post office.

I'm pulled away from my thoughts as I notice the antique looking lamp posts in the courtyard finally decide that it was light enough for them to turn themselves off. I pulled out my cell phone, checking the time. Seven o'clock. Any minute now...

My eyes immediately locked onto the figure coming into the courtyard, her head bent down, trying to avoid puddles. Loose brown curls fell in front of her eyes, but she made no move to alter their position. I licked my lips unconsciously as she wrapped her arms around her waist, trying to ward off the chill, I'm sure.

I had first noticed her a week ago when I moved back into my dorm after Christmas break. She walked across the courtyard every morning, and she never once looked up at me.

I don't know why watching her had become part of my morning routine. All I knew was that I was drawn to her, and that's all that mattered to me.

The tiny drops of rain started to come down faster, making the girl below me quicken her pace. I imagined the drops of water stinging her face as she walked into them. My eyes lingered in the direction she had disappeared for a few moments before finally getting off the railing, stretching my muscles. The bookstore was going to open soon, and I had books to buy. Classes started the next day.

---South-Of-Nowhere---

- Ashley -

It was raining. I hated the rain. Okay, so maybe I didn't hate the rain. I actually really loved it. I really only hated the cold. But the cold plus the rain really wasn't very good for me. It made me wet, and that just meant that I'd be colder, longer.

You can see why I'm angry with the rain right now.

Still, my morning walk around campus routine was so engraved in my head that I wasn't about to let a little water stop me. I knew I would be teased mercilessly by my roommate, Kelly, when i got back to the apartments, but I didn't care.

Kelly. We had been sleeping together for about a month and a half at the beginning of my first semester here, but she wasn't what I wanted. I tried to make it work, but there was something missing.

She was still my friend, though, depending on how you define that word. She spent half of her time competing with me, and the other half trying to win me back. I swear, I don't know why I still put up with her. It probably has something to do with my irrational fear of being alone, which you'd think I'd be used to by now, considering my parents were never around growing up.

I walked past one of the lamp posts in the courtyard and chuckled softly to myself. These things were installed last year in a pitiful attempt to give the campus a touch of class. Even though i was a freshman, I knew the campus pretty well. I had grown up in LA.

For the past week or so, I've been feeling some one's eyes on me as I walked through the courtyard. I t wasn't a creepy feeling, though. I twas surprisingly soothing. That's why I never looked around to see where the feeling was coming from. I didn't want to be disappointed if there was no one there after all.

I left the courtyard and that soothing feeling started to fade.

I stopped in front of the music building, looking up at it. I was going to be spending a lot of time there this semester, just like the last one. It was almost like my second home on this campus.

The rain started to come down even harder, and I took this as a sign to finish up my walk and get home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Review Section**

deb-82: New surroundings make things interesting.

Hilton: Distraction from homework. Oddly enough, I'm distracting myself from my own homework.

MistyRiver17: Can't wait to read more, huh? Well, here you go.

Blaze: Intriguing is always fun.

Hackensack nights: I'm just as interested to see where this goes.

**Author's Notes**

_Alright, so the first few chapters are slow. I promise things will start picking up soon. If not, you have my permission to beat me over the head._

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own the South Of Nowhere characters. They belong to Tom Lynch_

**In The Sun**

**Chapter 2**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

- Spencer -

9:20 on a Tuesday morning. Class started in twenty minutes. Art Appreciation. When I told people I was taking this class, they all asked me why. It seemed that no one realized that it was a General Education class, and that I needed it to graduate.

My adviser had told me that my teacher for this class, Dr. Lykens, was a pretty cool guy.

9:25. I grabbed my keys, turned my cell phone to vibrate, and headed out the door. I was one of those people who got antsy when it got close to the time when I had to be somewhere. If that made me a nerd, so be it.

I walked to the building where my class was, looking at the line of cars fighting for parking spots. I knew from last semester that it would continue being this busy throughout the semester. People were just lazy. I was one of the few people who actually walked to class.

Entering the Arts & Humanities Building, I pulled out my class schedule, noting that I would be in the auditorium. That wouldn't be hard to find. It was the biggest room in the building.

Walking in, I decided on a spare seat on the third row, towards the left side of the room. I pulled out my cell phone once more, checking the time. 9:33. Seven more minutes. I pulled out my notebook and a pen, preparing myself for note taking.

Of course, I still had seven minutes left, and the blank paper looked so inviting. It wasn't long before the margins were full of random, scribbly doodles. I laughed at myself as my eyes traveled to the bottom of the page where I had very roughly sketched the courtyard, a tiny stick figure walking along the sidewalks.

I sat back in my seat, deciding that people watching was probably a better use of my time. I froze when I saw the girl from the courtyard enter the auditorium.

My breath caught in my throat as our eyes met. I had never been this close to her, but I knew it was her. I would recognize those curls anywhere. She had beautiful brown eyes that looked like there was more behind them than she wanted to show.

The moment ended all too soon as she moved past me and took a seat in the fifth row. Not long after, an interesting looking man walked in and started taking roll. When he got to my name, I gave the typical 'Here,' followed by a pen raise. It seemed to be acceptable enough, because he continued down the list.

"Ashley Davies."

"Here," I heard from somewhere behind me. I turned around to see the brunette with her pen in the air. Ashley. So that was her name.

---South-Of-Nowhere---

- Ashley -

I hate Theory. I hated Intro to Theory last semester. I hated the fact that I had three more semesters of Theory after this one. I was quite sure that my brain was going to explode from too much Music Theory.

I pulled out my schedule. Art Appreciation. Terrific. All I had to do was appreciate art. I was thankful for the break in my schedule. I didn't have to actually pay attention in that class.

And so, my trek across campus began. My legs felt like rubber when I finally got to my class.

My aching legs were pushed to the back of my mind when I opened the door and my eyes locked with a girl in the third row. That familiar soothing feeling I got when I was walking in the courtyard washed over me. I forgot all about Music Theory and fell completely into her bright, blue eyes. They were clearer than anything I'd ever seen before.

I forced my body to keep going, walking past her. I couldn't bring myself to sit next to her. Something felt too great, too heavy, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

I chose a seat a few rows back, my eyes glued to the back of her head. I just couldn't take my eyes off of her.

Not long after, Dr. Lykens came in. He was an okay guy. He was a studio artist, and a liberal, so he had an awesome check next to his name in my book. The only thing I didn't get, was that most of his class was online. What was the point of physically going to class?

I pondered this for a few minutes as he started taking roll, but decided that the answer wasn't important as the blond in front of me answered to Spencer Carlin.

If nothing else, this class was good for just being in the same room with her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Review Section**

S.O.N luva: I'm glad you're liking it so far.

Tribaltaisan: Maybe you're going to the wrong college?

DurtiPr3ttyGrrl: Yay for good characterization.

Blaze: Right on! I wrote something that somebody understood!

Andi: I was oddly excited by your review. Thank you.

Hackensack nights: Woot woot, pacing!

Chels5267: Me, too.

Ariana: I'm definitely enjoying writing this one. Thanks.

Sp0rtgirl: Well, then I'm sorry I've taken so long.

Kat: It's funny you should mention Kelly...

justlikeyou: College is good.

Whisperedrainbow: They have good thoughts. Now I feel warm and fuzzy.

MistyRiver17: Well, you know Aiden has to make an appearance. Ooh, cookie. Chocolate Chip even... the soft kind with big chunks of chocolate. How did you know?

Blackrosesareprettier: Well, then I'm definitely glad that I started working on one of your favorite types. I do believe I have ESP...N.

SON lover 06: I'm a Spashley fanatic, too, don't worry. We can go to Spashley Fanatics Annonymous together.

This-charming-man: Yes. Isn't Spencer so cute?

Boberry: You quoted a paragraph! I take that as a really high compliment because... well, I just do. I am now on Cloud Nine.

**Author's Notes**

_Yes, I have upped the rating. Not for this chapter, but for chapters that are to come. This fic is going to be darker than the last one, and I really don't want the admins here deciding that my material isn't suitable. So, I've gone as high as I can. I hope this doesn't effect anyone's judgment of me. Then again, I've never really cared about that before. Alright, enough of this. On with the story._

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own the South Of Nowhere characters. They belong to Tom Lynch._

**In The Sun**

**Chapter 3**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

- Spencer -

Click.

Click.

Click.

I swear, this website was like a freaking maze. I had been clicking links like mad, trying to figure out how to register for Dr. Lykens' online course. This was the only way we could take the quizzes and the tests. Why couldn't he just hand us a quiz like a normal teacher?

I groaned in frustration as I was taken back to the school's homepage for the millionth time. The librarian shot me another annoyed glance, but I stopped caring a half hour ago.

"Need some help?" a female voice floats into my ear from behind. It's so soft that I almost think I imagined it. Deciding that it was better to turn around and look like an idiot if there wasn't anyone there, than to ignore whoever it was, I turned around, forgetting how to breathe. Standing over me was Ashley, a soft smile on her lips.

"Um, yeah," I said, quickly trying to recover. "I can't seem to figure out how this WebCT Registration thing works."

"Yeah, it's tricky," she said, smiling wider and leaning over me, clicking a few links to get me where I needed to be.

"Wait a minute," I started. "Are you telling me that I just spent the last forty-five minutes trying to figure out what you show me in two?"

She moved over to the left side of me, leaning against the desk. "Looks that way." She had the cutest little half smirk on her face.

We looked at each other. I don't really know any other way to explain it. It's like we were on display for one another. I soaked up everything that I could about her, and I felt her do the same to me. Normally, I would have felt self conscious but it almost seemed natural for Ashley to look at me this way.

"You're Spencer, right?" she inquired, shifting her weight and cocking her brow. I gave a small nod. "Cool," she said, extending her hand. "I'm..."

"Ashley," I interrupted, shaking her hand. We looked into each other's eyes and giggled mercilessly.

"I guess we both pay attention to the roll call," she observed.

"Yeah." I watched as she brought her right hand up to her left elbow, running her hand up and down her arm. It was then that I realized that she was just as nervous as I was. My eyes traveled down her arm and I noticed that she was carrying a CD. "What's that?" I asked, pointing to the disc in her hand.

"Oh, this?" she said, bring the CD to eye level. "Just a mix I made a while back." She pointed towards the back of the library. "I was actually on my way to the music library when I noticed you having problems. I couldn't just leave a damsel in distress, could I?"

"Well, you have very lovely armor for a knight." We laughed together for a few minutes, trying desperately to stay quiet. "Music library?" I asked after our giggles subsided.

Her eyes widened in shock. "You don't know about the music library?" She gave me an admonishing look. "Come with me."

With that, she was off, and I was left with nothing to do but follow her. She walked past several bookshelves and slipped inside a room with glass walls.

"What is this place?" I asked, taking in my surroundings. It was a small room, with headphones sitting on top of the desks and cream colored folders on shelves along the walls.

"The music library, duh." She made her way over to one of the desks, pulling out a shelf. There, perched on the shelf, was the most high tech looking CD player I had ever seen. "They have excellent stereo systems here. Very state of the art." She accentuated her point by pursing her lips and giving a matter-of-fact nod. "Actually, hardly anyone's ever in here, and it's the perfect place to listen to some music and collect my thoughts."

I was suddenly very curious to know what thoughts she was collecting, but it was too soon in our friendship to ask that question. Instead, I just nodded, indicating that I understood.

She put her CD into the system and picked up the headphones, walking around behind me. "Listen to this," she whispered, sliding the headphones over my ears. She walked back around to my front, pressing a few buttons. Soft guitar strumming and the smoothest male voice I'd ever heard filled my senses. I felt my eyes close involuntarily. Not very smart, I know, considering I was alone with a complete stranger, but for some reason, I felt safe.

---South-Of-Nowhere---

- Ashley -

There was no point trying to get anything done with Kelly around. She wanted to party tonight. She always wanted to party. She didn't seem to grasp the concept of homework, and the fact that I usually had some.

"Would you just wait a little bit?" She was really starting to piss me off, now.

She gave me a pout, and sauntered up to me, wrapping her arms around my neck from behind, the tips of her fingers grazing my breasts. I wasn't going to acknowledge this, though. It would only worsen the situation. "Aw, I'm sorry, baby," she whispered in my ear, making sure to brush her lips against my earlobe.

The violation of personal space wasn't helping her case any. "Kelly, get off," I said firmly, pushing her off of me, trying to get back to work.

"Well, you know what I want."

Those six words made my skin crawl. I needed to get out of there. I grabbed my favorite mix CD and headed towards the door. "Yeah, I know what you want. You don't need me for it. Call Dallas yourself."

She started to reply, but I was already out the door. I ran down the steps of the apartment building, trying to get out of there as fast as I could. I made it across the parking lot and leaned against the co-ed dorms, letting the cold night air wash over me. It wasn't like this was any better. I knew about all the shit that went on in here; home made porn videos, smoking pot, you name it.

With resolve to get out of there before Campo showed up, I started to walk to the library, thinking I'd be able to get some work done. It wasn't until I was halfway there that I realized I had left my books at the apartment. Oh, well. I wasn't about to go back to get them. I could always just bask in the quiet.

I hated the fact that the music library was at the back of the library. I hated that the music library was in that building at all. Every time I walked in there, everybody stared at me. It was creepy. The music library should have been in the music building. Music majors were the only ones in there, anyway.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when I heard a groan. I turned in the direction of the sound. I looked over the bookshelf, and there was Spencer, sitting at a computer, obviously having a hard time.

I was hesitant to go over there. What if, at a closer look, she wasn't what I thought she was? And if she was, would I taint her by exposing her to the likes of us peasants?

I sighed inwardly, knowing full well that I would go over there eventually. It was just in my nature, and it was pointless to fight it.

I walked over to her quietly. "Need some help?" I whispered, trying not to disturb anyone else.

It was weird. She didn't jump, or turn around quickly, or anything. She turned around very slowly, and calmly. I know this place. I was very familiar with this place. I was here every Tuesday and Thursday in Art Appreciation. Here I was again, falling down into bright blue depths that could shred my soul.

"Um, yeah," she said, turning back to the computer screen, giving me time to recover. "I can't seem to figure out how this WebCT Registration thing works."

Ah, yes. Lykens shall forever be our connection. I leaned over her and showed her what to do step by step. I had to control my breathing, because I suddenly wanted to breathe much heavier than I was. And she didn't shy away from me.

I finished showing her how to register, and we had our introductions. She knew my name from roll call, and I felt very warm after learning that fact.

Silence fell upon us, and I started to relax. I felt her eyes on me and I wallowed in that soothing feeling. At that moment, I was very calm. Calmer than I've been in days, anyway.

"What's that?" Spencer seemed to have a way of breaking me from my thoughts. I followed her gaze, and remembered the CD in my hand. How had I managed to forget I had it? Oh, well, not important now.

I explained to her about going to the music library, and she had no idea what I was talking about. "Come on," I said, motioning for her to follow me.

I was standing in the corner of the music library when she caught up with me. She looked around the room, taking in her surroundings. "What is this place?"

She couldn't be serious, could she? "The music library, duh." I walked over to the desk she was standing next to and pulled out the hefty black stereo. "They have excellent stereo systems here," I said, while nodding. "Very state of the art." There was a small moment of silence between us, and I felt as if I wanted to show her who I was. It was much too soon for that, though. "Actually, hardly anyone's ever in here, and it's the perfect place to listen to some music and collect my thoughts."

I thought I saw curiosity flash across her eyes, but she masked it quickly. You can learn a lot about some one by the music they listen to. I slipped the headphones over her ears, and turned it to one of my favorite songs, letting this be the best way of showing her who I am.

I loved watching people listen to music; the expressions they get, the way you can see the notes flowing through their body. I smiled as Spencer closed her eyes, letting the music take her where she needed to be at that moment. I watched as she gradually brought her eyebrows together, giving in to her emotions.

She opened her eyes and took the headphones off. She looked so serene. "What was that?"

"In The Sun by Joseph Arthur," I said, a smile tugging at my lips.

"It was beautiful. I mean... wow."

"I know," I started, taking a step toward her. "Don't even bother trying to explain. There are no words."

"What's your major?" she asked. Hello, left field, how are you doing?

"Music. Choir, to be specific."

She laughed at herself. "Yeah, I guess I should have known that one."

"Why? One can love music without being a music major."

"You got me on that one," she admitted.

"What's yours?" I asked.

She shrugged and tipped her head to the side. "Don't have one. No clue what I want to do. So, for now, I'm Gen Ed."

I nodded. "Most people don't know what they want to do with their lives."

"You do," she said, gesturing to me.

"Don't be so sure," I started, sitting on the desk. "I mean, I love it, sure. It's just that, the stuff they teach me here... I don't want to be performing thinking 'This is a B minor inversion.' I just want to feel it. These professors, no matter how good they are, can't teach that."

She nodded. I guess she didn't know what to say to that. There wasn't much to say, anyway.

We sat in comfortable silence for a while, just enjoying each other's company. I liked it. Then it was ruined when she noticed the time.

"It's getting late," she said, standing up. "I'd better go. Thanks for your help."

"No problem," I said, smiling. "See you in class?"

"You bet." And then she was gone and I was left with the silence that I had come here for. I was disappointed to find out that I didn't want it anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

**Review Section**

EmmaShalforever: Can I just say that I love your name? Mmm, Lauren Lee Smith.

Torak the Slash Lover: Yay, I'm brilliant.

SpeedReader9: I am spreading the Joseph Arthur love. I'm glad you like the song.

Allie: Yeah, grammatical errors tend to make me sad.

Annonymous: Alright, I'm updating.

Blaze: I'm glad we see eye to eye on WebCT.

Alright, I'm posting, already.

Boberry: This one must have felt like an eternity for you. Sorry about that.

Ravchick452: I love you, too...?

justlikeyou: Yes, slutty Kelly...

Andi: Well, here's the next chapter.

The sick little suicide: I do believe I will continue.

Whisperedrainbow: Music libraries rock my socks.

MistyRiver17: I tried to incorporate slightly different aspects during Ashley's narrative.

Hackensack nights: Yay for good dialogue!

**Author's Notes**

_I know I've been neglectful, but there's been a lot of stuff going on, lately. Anyway, the rating comes into play here. You have been warned. Also, are there hills in California? If not, there are now. It makes my life easier. And apparently, I'm more into Ashley in this fic. Last time it was all about Spencer. Oh, well._

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own the South Of Nowhere characters. They belong to Tom Lynch._

**In The Sun**

**Chapter 4**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

- Spencer -

I was late. I hated being late. I knew it wasn't my fault. Red Hawke could talk forever, but I still hated it. Trying to dodge the people overcrowding the narrow hallways in the music building, I managed to make it to the stairway. I started to run up them, thinking I was in the clear, trying to get to my class.

Unfortunately, I wasn't in the clear. I ran hard into some one coming down the stairs, almost knocking us both down. I didn't notice who it was until she spoke. "Spencer?"

I looked up and came face to face with Ashley. I was relieved to see a friendly face. Everyone else in the building always looked at me like I didn't belong there, just because I wasn't a music major. "Hey, Ash."

"What are you doing here?" she asked, obviously as confused as everyone else at my presence in the musician's sanctum.

"Music Appreciation," I replied. Why didn't music majors ever think of that?

"You're appreciating a lot of things this semester, aren't you?" she mused, while moving past me on the staircase so I had to turn around to look at her. "You have Trana, right? Talk about cruel and unusual punishment."

"You know him?" I asked, taking a few steps up the stairs.

"He's my advisor, and I have him for practically every class. I just got out of Ear Training."

I didn't bother responding. She was already on the first floor, and I was on the second.

"Spencer!" she yelled.

I leaned over the low railing to look at her. "Yeah?"

"Do you want to get together tonight, work on that paper for Lykens?"

I seemed strangely excited at the idea. "Sure," I called out.

"Meet me outside the apartments at eight."

"Okay." I watched her leave. Shit, now I was even later.

- Ashley -

---South-Of-Nowhere---

Upon walking into my apartment, I was relieved to find that Kelly wasn't home. I didn't know where she was, nor did I care at that point in time. I checked the clock. 7:30, just enough time for me to hide the paraphernalia. I grabbed the junk from the coffee table and put it all on Kelly's desk in her room, shutting the door afterwards. There was no reason to be in there, tonight. I just hoped Kelly wouldn't decide to come home.

A few minutes before eight, I walked down the concrete stairs of the university apartments. I settled onto one of the green benches outside and sighed into the wind. What was I thinking? I should have asked to go to her place.

"Hey," I heard Spencer's voice off to my right. My head snapped to her direction and I was taken aback by the sight in front of me. There she stood, in jeans and a navy blue tank underneath a white sweater that was only zipped halfway. Her hair was down and the gentle breeze was playing with her blond strands. The navy blue served to bring out the sharpness of her eyes. It amazed me how something so simple could be so extraordinary. I used to believe that I would be perfectly content if I ever went blind, as long as I still had my hearing and music. After seeing Spencer standing there, that philosophy changed.

If some one were to ask me the precise time that I fell in love with Spencer Carlin, I would answer, without hesitation, this moment, right here. She was beautiful, yes, but that wasn't all there ws to it. It was the act of looking. I took in everything I could about her. And I felt myself weaken under her gaze.

"Hey," I manged to reply after remembering how to speak. "Where are your books?" I asked when I realized that her hands were in her pockets.

She approached the bench and stood in front of me, never taking her hands out of her pockets. "You didn't seem like the studying type, Ashley. But, I did want to hang out with you. So, I figured I'd just bring myself and we'd hang out." She shrugged to emphasize her point of playing it by ear.

I smiled. I couldn't help it. When I met her in the library, she seemed to be a geek of sorts, but a good one. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that she had no intention of working on the paper, that she just wanted to spend time with me. To be honest, I didn't really want to work on our paper, either. I had a week until it was due, anyway.

We got up to the top floor where my room was, and I unlocked the door, opening it for Spencer. But, she had her back to me, her arms on the railing, looking out towards the hills to the east. "Daffodils are stupid," I heard her say.

Forgetting that my door was open, I went and stood next to her, leaning my arms against the railing as she was, trying to figure out what she was looking at. "What?" I asked.

"Daffodils are stupid. Look at them." She pointed to the hills in the distance, dotted with yellow flowers.

I looked between her hand and the hills, trying to understand her comment. "Okay, I see the daffodils. What makes them stupid?"

She looked at me like I was stupid, but not in a condescending way, just in a way that made me feel like Spencer just lived in a different reality than everyone else. "It's cold and rainy," she explained. "Yet, the daffodils don't seem to know that. All they know is that the earth has moved into a position that wakes them up."

I stood in awe of the girl beside me. When I thought about it, it really made sense. Who would want to come out in this weather? Daffodils must be stupid. I stood staring at those far away daffodils for several minutes before I realized that Spencer was no longer beside me. Looking around me, I saw her standing in the doorway of my apartment. "Are you coming in, or are you going to stand there looking at the daffodils all day?"

I shook my head and smiled at her, making my way into my apartment. I had always heard that first impressions could be misleading. Don't get me wrong, I loved the first impression I had gotten from Spencer, but this was just blowing my mind. I was catching a glimpse into the way she saw things, and I realized that she saw things a little differently than most people. I was sucked in.

Not a lot was going on that night. We just sat around for several hours, listening to music and talking about random things. I learned a little bit about her family, and how she had an adopted brother, Clay, who was African American. We talked about him for a little while. We talked about how she had a nagging feeling that he never really felt like he belonged anymore, but that she understood that. She said she never really felt like she belonged anywhere, either, but she didn't know why.

Around eleven, the door flew open and Kelly staggered inside, making out with a blond that I recognized as Josie, while trying to get the door closed. Josie had been a one night stand for me not long after I had called things off with Kelly. Josie stole half of my shit that night. "Way to go, Kel. You picked up a thief."

They pulled away from each other and Josie looked at me like she didn't recognize me. I couldn't see the color of her eyes, her pupils were too big. "What are you talking about, Ash?" Kelly asked me as she plopped down on the couch next to me, resting her head on my shoulder. I looked over at Spencer to make sure she wasn't freaked out by the sudden reaction, but she was just sprawled across the other couch, watching the scene unfold. She didn't seem phased at all.

Kelly looked at Kelly and I. I had instinctively wrapped my arm around her shoulder. I was in a good mood tonight, so I wasn't really planning on fighting with Kelly. "You guys look so gay," Josie commented.

I had to chuckle at her. She was so stupid right now. She definitely wasn't the Josie I remember. I didn't know what she had been doing, but it was obviously something good. "Yeah, Josie... we do."

"How do you know my name?" she asked, wide eyed.

Everyone in the room pretty much decided to ignore that question. It just didn't need to be talked about. Kelly noticed Spencer for the first time. "Who are you?" she asked, in her normal, blunt, Kelly way.

Spencer sat up, suddenly appearing uncomfortable. "Oh, I'm Spencer. Nice to meet you."

I watched Kelly's eyes travel up and down her body. "Cute," she mumbled, mostly to herself, but she knew that I had heard her. "Hey, Ash," she started talking again. "I need some weed."

I shot a look over at Spencer. This wasn't the world I wanted her to see me in. I was hoping she wouldn't be too freaked out. But, when I looked over, she didn't seem freaked out at all. She had just laid back down on the couch, getting herself comfortable. I looked back at Kelly, addressing her. "All the stuff is in your room."

"Awesome," she said, as she hopped up and disappeared in her room for a few minutes. She came back out with glass pipe in hand and proceeded to pack a bowl. She sat down on the side of me closest to Spencer as she did so. After taking the first hit, she passed it on to Spencer.

I was somehow disappointed when Spencer reached for the pipe and the lighter without hesitation. And I was even more disappointed when she took her own hit. I don't know how I knew, but I knew that she had never smoked pot before. It's something I could just tell. I couldn't figure out why she'd go ahead and smoke without any hesitation.

As I watched the smoke leave her lips, I saw her innocence begin to slip away, and I wanted to break down in tears right there. I didn't want to do this to Spencer. I didn't want her to become one of us.

Damn you, Kelly.

Damn you.


	5. Chapter 5

**Review Section**

boberry: New semesters have a tendency to make everyone busy.

Whisperedrainbow: Perfection is a word that I don't think has been used to describe my writing, yet. Wow.

Rock0rules: Well, I look forward to writing more.

Andi: I'm sure you checked very often. I know I normally do when there's a fic I'm in love with.

MistyRiver17: Quickly isn't bad at all.

EmmaShalforever: I have a weakness for redheads... That should explain it.

The sick little suicide: You'd be surprised what people do behind closed doors.

This-charming-man: Aww, I didn't mean to break your heart. I'm so sad that this fic will only continue to slowly roll downhill.

CaliChica-RumbleQT: Thank you so much.

**Author's Notes**

_Not a lot to say about this one, actually. It was good to write._

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own the South Of Nowhere characters. They belong to Tom Lynch._

**In The Sun**

**Chapter 5**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

- Spencer -

Let me explain a few things. My mother is a nurse. She's prescribed medicinal marijuana on a regular basis. I know all about it and its effects, and honestly, I never thought it was as bad as everyone always made it out to be. Sure, I had never done it before, but that doesn't mean that I didn't know what it did, and I have to say that I was pretty prepared for the outcome.

Well, I thought I was, anyway.

But, before I get into that, I want to explain why it didn't bother me when Ashley's roommate and the random girl came barging in on us. That's actually a pretty simple one to answer. My roommate during first semester had been pretty slutty. The whole, 'throwing the door open while making out like mad' thing wasn't a new experience for me. It kind of amused me that Ashley was surprised by my lack of reaction.

You always see people cough in movies and TV the first time they smoke anything, right? So, I was expecting to cough, and make a fool of myself. I was pleasantly surprised when I didn't. I knew enough to hold the smoke in my lungs for a minute before I let it out, and I knew not to take the smoke in my mouth before my lungs, to just inhale. Smoking pot was not like smoking cigarettes. I wasn't going to do it the smoker's way.

I knew all the mechanics, but I wasn't as prepared for the aftereffects as I thought I'd be. By my third hit I found myself becoming fascinated with the orange glow of the weed whenever I'd inhale. I really didn't feel out of it, or anything, just light. My eyes became heavy, and it soon became easier to lay down and look at the ceiling than to stay sitting up, talking with everyone.

"Hey, Ash, your girl's falling asleep," I heard Ashley's roommate, Kelly, say.

"Yeah, what about yours? She's passed out in the middle of the floor," Ashley replied, before I saw her standing over me. I was aware of my upper body being lifted as she settled herself on the couch, lowering my head into her lap. I was sleepy before, but I really felt like I could sleep now. I was so comfortable being there. My sense of touch seemed to have become heightened, because it was hard to focus on anything other than Ashley's fingertips brushing my hair away from my face and her hair tickling my cheeks as she leaned over me, asking me if I was okay.

"Mmhmm," I mumbled, and nodded my head gently. I felt my head slip to the side, and I nestled my face in her hip. She smelled like roses and weed. My head turn caused her hand to delve deeper into my hair, and I had no problems with that.

"Kelly ordered a pizza," Ashley's voice floated into my ear again. "You should eat some. You'll feel better."

The thought of greasy pizza toppings slithering down my throat disgusted me at that moment in time. So much so, that I felt a sharp pain course through my abdomen. It was so strong that I was forced to bring my knees to my chest, doubling over the best I could when I was lying sideways.

I felt Ashley's soft and thin fingers slide under my cheek to lift my face to look at her. I didn't want to move from my position. I was too content. She looked me straight in the eye. "Eat something. I promise, you'll feel better."

"Okay," I said, and pushed myself into a sitting position. Ashley handed me a slice of pizza and pushed my hair behind my ear. I took a tiny bite and was overwhelmed with a feeling of satisfaction. It was strange, just a few minutes ago I was disgusted by the thought of eating, but now it felt so good to be doing it.

"Come on. Let's get you home," Ashley said, after I had finished my pizza and looked like I was able to stand on my own two feet again.

---South-Of-Nowhere---

- Ashley -

I felt guilty. I hated being the person that people do drugs with the first time. There's always that thought of 'what if something goes wrong?' But, that's not the only reason I felt so bad. This was Spencer. This was the girl I was marveling at a few hours ago because she noticed the daffodils and their stupidity.

The thing is, I was terrified of Spencer becoming like me. I was terrified of her falling into this world that I've been trying to get myself out of. I know that I would be out of it, if it weren't for Kelly, but I just can't seem to turn my back on anyone.

It's not like the drugs were hurting me. I was doing my work, going to class, no big deal. It's just that every once in a while, I would look in the mirror and not recognize the person looking back at me. I think that's just because I'm not entirely sure how I got to this point. It wasn't bad enough for me to really consider stopping all of my substance abuse, because I really didn't think it was a problem, but I kind of wanted to slow down, just to prove to myself that I could, if anything.

Spencer seemed to be doing alright after she got some food in her system. Sure, you could tell she was stoned. Hell, even I was. Between the three of us, we had smoked about five bowls. We were blasted. But, Spencer seemed to be handling herself well. She wasn't very talkative, but that's to be expected. We just walked in silence, and I watched her out of the corner of my eye to make sure she was going to be okay.

"The stars are beautiful," I heard her say from behind me. She had stopped a few seconds behind me, and I guess I was too lost in my own thoughts to notice. I looked at her, and then looked towards the sky to find that you could, indeed, see a few of the stars tonight. Still, it's not like they were all that beautiful, or anything. It's LA. Stars don't come out in LA... at least not the ones in the sky. "Come on, Spence," I said, motioning for her to follow me, and we walked the rest of the way through the courtyard, towards her dorm hall.

I leaned against the wall next to the door while Spencer fumbled with her keys, trying to find the right one. When she finally did, she slipped it in the lock and opened the door, telling me goodnight as she walked across the thresh hold. When I saw her start walking up the stairs through the frosted glass wall, I turned and started making my way back across campus to my apartment.

When I got there, Josie was off the floor, presumably in Kelly's bed, but Kelly was sitting on the couch, smoking a joint. She looked up at me and said, "She's cute."

"It's not like that," I said, as I crossed the living room to the kitchen, opening the refrigerator to find something to drink. Beer. That's all we had. Neither of us were twenty-one. How the Hell did we manage to have nothing to drink but beer?

Kelly didn't even acknowledge my movement. She stayed where she was, looking at the wall in front of her. "Oh, please, Ashley. I know you. It IS like that."

I twisted the top of the beer bottle off and took a swig. It was better than nothing. "What, a person can't change?" I asked, leaning against the refrigerator.

Now, she got up. She put out the joint and set the roach carefully next to the ash tray, no doubt saving it for a later date, or another joint down the road. She took the beer from my hands and took her own swallow. "Not you, Ashley. You've been trying to change for four months now, to no avail. Face it. You are who you are, and you can't change that."

This was starting to sound eerily like a conversation I had with my mother when I came out to her. I was not going to stand for Kelly using my own words against me. This was something completely different. "Whatever," I said, pushing past her, heading towards my room. "I'm going to bed."


	6. Chapter 6

**Review Section**

Angel of Time 777: Alright, I'll continue.

SpenceXAsh: Um... I've just forgotten how to breathe. Mostly because I loved your story and don't quite know how to deal with you liking mine.

Jimmiateearth: Different settings make for good plots.

MissingCA: I truly enjoy your review. I'm posting more now.

Voyager2008: Well, I'm glad you like it.

Whisperedrainbow: Oh, the longer chapter bit.

CaliChica-RumbleQT: I'm not saying anything about what's going to happen to Spencer.

Boberry: Yeah, sweet girl that tried to be bad-ass.

Andi: Ack! I didn't mean to be harsh. I was just saying that I do that, too. I'm sorry.

Justlikeyou: Here's an update

rock0rules: The stop smoking ads rocked my socks.

MistyRiver17: Hey, I know all about keyboard problems. My keyboard likes to insert random letters sometimes. Makes for writing these chapters incredibly tedious.

Blaze: It's possible that you know me. I know a lot of people.

**Author's Notes**

_Alright, guys, I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get this chapter up. A lot of stuff has been going on in the Nun's life right now. I had to quit school for a little while, and I've started on my first novel, and such. There's been a lot of stuff needing to get sorted out. Don't worry, I still plan on updating this fic. This chapter didn't really come out the way I had planned it, but it kind of took on a life of its own, and I didn't really have much of a say in the matter. And now, for your patience, I come bearing fluff._

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own the character's of South Of Nowhere. They belong to Tom Lynch._

**In The Sun**

**Chapter 6**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

- Spencer -

I took a deep breath before climbing up the stairs of the campus apartments. Ashley hadn't been in Art Appreciation for the past couple of class periods, and I was worried about her. Lykens was thinking about dropping her.

I leaned back against the railing across from her door, staring at the red hunk of wood. What was I doing here? What could I say? It seemed cheap to just warn her about her potential drop. There needed to be a better reason for me to be here. I don't know why, but it just seemed wrong not to make this a personal visit.

I gathered all the courage I had, still not sure of what I was going to say, and knocked on her door. It didn't take long before she opened it, and upon seeing her, I felt all my insecurities slip away. "Hey," I greeted.

She smiled at me. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Just came to check up on you," I admitted, glancing down at the concrete below me.

She looked genuinely confused. "What do you mean?"

I shuffled around a little bit. "Well, you haven't been in Lykens' class for a while."

She brought her hand up to cover the right side of her face, a grin playing at her lips. "That's nothing to worry about. Sometimes I do that. I take little breaks, then tell my professors I was going through a hard time. Taking mental health days isn't a bad thing."

I shrugged. There wasn't a lot I could say to that, really, but I didn't want to leave, yet. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," she said, and stepped aside, to let me in. I stepped passed her and went over to the same couch that I was lying on the other night, and sat down, watching as she sat down on the other one. We sat in silence for a while, neither one of us really feeling like we needed to break the silence.

The silence was broken, eventually. "Why did you really come here?" she asked.

I looked straight at her, trying to decide if I should come up with an excuse, or just be completely honest. She seemed like the kind of person that was really sensitive to lies, so lying to her was an immediate negative in my eyes.

"I don't know," I admitted, giving a slight shrug of my shoulder. That was the truth. I really didn't know why I was there. "I just... I like being around you."

I was rewarded with a small half smirk, something I normally found annoying, but quite endearing when Ashley did it, but she didn't say anything in response. She just reached for the remote to her stereo system and turned it to another song. I immediately recognized the band as Panic! At The Disco. They were pretty cool.

She noticed my head bobbing to the music and laughed at me. "As far as proficiency goes, they're mediocre at best," she explained. When she noticed my confused expression, she added, "The band. As far as music talent goes, they don't have a lot. But, when you listen to most of the bands out there nowadays, Panic! At The Disco really seem to push the envelope. Their songs aren't all straight forward. They mix it up. And if you sit down and listen to most of their lyrics, they have a way of hitting on some pretty heavy subjects while maintaining a 'fun factor'. They know what they're doing as far as getting attention from the public."

I couldn't help but smile at her. She really did know her stuff. Everyone else just listens to whatever is cool, but Ashley really seemed to know what she was talking about.

I don't know how long we sat there, listening to whatever music came on, but I really enjoyed it. Just being in Ashley's presence made me feel like the outside world didn't matter. Not long after it got dark, she stood up and offered me her hand. "Come on," she said. "I've got something to show you."

---South-Of-Nowhere---

- Ashley -

There I was, my hands shoved in my pockets, walking along the nature trail with Spencer. I don't normally like to bring people out here. It kind of felt like something of my own, even though I knew that the forestry kids were the ones who made the trail in the first place. It's just that no one really seemed to come out here.

In all honesty, I hadn't been going to Lykens' class because I wanted to hide from Spencer. I was so ashamed to be the one that she smoked with. I didn't want this for her. That's why I'm so surprised at myself for bringing her out here. I never brought anyone out here before. Not even Kelly.

I just can't seem to help myself. There's not a doubt in my mind that I'm in love with the girl walking only a few inches beside me. I knew this trail like the back of my hand. I came out here towards the end of my relationship with Kelly, trying to figure out what was wrong. I took a turn into some flattened grass, away from the rock path, causing Spencer to stop and look around confused. "Trust me," I said, and motioned with my head for her to follow me. We were still on a trail, just not one that was so clear.

We walked for a while longer, still in silence. Eventually, we reached our destination, and climbed to the top of a grassy hill. I laid down and looked towards the sky, noticing how the stars shone brighter out here than on campus.

I felt Spencer lay down next to me. "Where are we?" she asked.

Instead of answering her question, I pointed towards the sky. "Look at the stars," I said. "You mentioned the stars the other night, but you could only see a few. You can see a lot more out here."

I heard her sigh, and wasn't quite sure what to make of it. "You're right. It is beautiful out here."

We sat in silence for a few moments. I tried to keep from ruining the silence, because I treasured it with her. It wasn't uncomfortable. It was just us enjoying each other. But, I had to ask my question. I couldn't hold it in any longer. "Spencer, why did you smoke with us?"

I felt her eyes on me, just like I felt them every morning when I walk through the courtyard. The feeling was too similar for it to have not been her watching me every morning. "What do you mean?"

I found myself playing with my fingernails. "Well, was it peer pressure, or something? Like, did you think you had to?" I couldn't face her.

"No. In all honesty, I've been curious about it for a while, but the opportunity never came up."

I nodded not knowing what else to say at that point. I didn't have to say anything, though, because she had a question of her own. "Are you gay?"

A smile made its way to my lips without me knowing it. It was a straight-forward question, and I admired that. I finally managed to turn my head to look at her. "I'm not into labels. You?"

Her eyes hadn't left me until now. She looked back up at the sky, a far away expression on her face. "I never really thought much about it before. I never really thought much about guys or girls either way before. I figured I had more important things to worry about."

I moved my hand to my side, playing with the soft grass underneath my fingertips. "That makes sense. I mean if you don't feel one way or the other, I can see why you wouldn't think about it."

I continued to play with the grass on the ground, running my fingers over the tips of the blades, sometimes pulling it out of the ground to create a little pile. I swear my heart stopped when I felt flesh over the top of my hand. Spencer traced tiny circles on the back of my palm, and it felt like I couldn't breathe. I had never experienced this before. Don't get me wrong, I've been with girls before, but it never felt like this. Eventually, she moved her hand under mine, and laced our fingers together. I looked over in her direction, and was met with her wonderful smile.


	7. Chapter 7

**Review Section**

Torak the Slash Lover: Sweetness is always needed.

SpenceXAsh: I can't guarantee every day, but this one came pretty fast, so I hope you're happy with it.

MistyRiver17: I've been neglecting to read other fics, too. But, I've just been way too busy.

Cynical: Here's the update.

This-charming-man: Spencer's been growing braver in my eyes. I mean, my last fic took place after Friends With Benefits, and she was still timid, then. After seeing the rest of the season, I couldn't keep her that way.

**Author's Notes**

_Somebody asked me what my major was, and I forgot to answer them. I used to be a music major, but I changed to English, with a concentration in writing. Now, I'm not even in school, but when I go back in the fall, I'm doing the Gen Ed thing so I can get my basics out of the way. Anyway, enough about me, on with the fic._

**In The Sun**

**Chapter 7**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

- Spencer -

I found myself at Ashley's apartment more often. Sometimes we'd be alone, and we'd just sit with each other, cuddling. Other times, Kelly would be home, and we'd smoke until we were obliterated. Either way, I was happy to be there.

I really like smoking weed. You see, I'm one of those people that constantly questions things, and when I get high, that part of my brain that tries to find the hidden meaning in meaningless shit gets turned off, and life makes a Hell of a lot more sense.

Kelly was home, and we were passing around a joint. I was sitting next to Ashley, enjoying the feel of her arm wrapped around my shoulders. We had been smoking long enough for my head to feel heavy, so I leaned my head on Ash's shoulder. She didn't seem to mind. It wasn't long before I felt her fingers in my hair. Before I knew it, I was letting out a content sigh. I really did love being with her.

As far as Ashley goes, things are still gray. Sometimes I look at her, and I just get the urge to touch her, but then I think about my family, and everything that my mom used to say about homosexuals. Mom's a bit of a radical, in her own right. More like an anti-radical, really. She just doesn't seem to be able to see very far past her nose. Since being out on my own, I've stopped agreeing with most of the things she says.

Anyway, we were all sitting there, smoking a joint when we heard an intricate knock on the door before it was opened. My guess, it was some kind of code to let us know that it wasn't the cops or something. A tall guy with dark hair came in and took the joint out of Kelly's hand, taking a hit before handing it back to her.

"Aiden," Ashley exclaimed next to me. "What brings you here? Your girl busy tonight?"

Aiden perched himself on the coffee table in front of us. "Man, you know I have to take a break from Madison every once in a while."

"Amen to that," Kelly said, while still trying to hold the smoke in her lungs, and passing the joint to me. I love listening to people talk while they're trying to get high. It's hilarious.

I watched the orange glow of the weed creep closer to my mouth as I inhaled. I don't know why I'm so intrigued by that, but I am. After my hit, I passed it on to Ashley, closing my eyes and laying my head back, still holding the smoke in my lungs, waiting for it to take effect.

I felt some one nudge my knee, so I let blew out my smoke and turned to face Aiden. "Who are you?" he asked with a nod of his head. Ashley's friends sure are blunt.

"I'm Spencer," I replied, not bothering to extend my hand. Maybe he was like Kelly and didn't really care. He surprised me when he offered his own.

"I'm Aiden," he said, while shaking my hand. He motioned to Ashley and me. "You two together, or what?"

I glanced over at Ashley, hoping she would answer for me, and then I looked down at our laced fingers. I honestly had no idea what we were, but it hadn't really mattered before now. We were just Spencer and Ashley and things were good like that.

"You might say that," I heard Ashley say. I looked back up at her, and she was looking at me with a questioning look, hoping that she didn't cross a line with her answer. I gave her a reassuring smile and brought her hand to my lips, kissing the back of her hand.

"That's cool," Aiden said, as he stood up and went to the fridge, pulling out a beer and taking a sip. He waved his beer bottle at us. "Why don't you guys kiss?"

"Fuck you, Aiden!" Ashley exploded. I didn't think it was that big of a deal, but apparently Ashley did.

"Aiden likes to watch," Kelly explained to me. "We used to let him watch all the time when we were together."

I looked back over at Ashley. "It's not a big deal, Ash." Before she had a chance to respond, I felt myself move forward, pressing my lips against hers.

It's hard to explain what happened when I kissed Ashley. All of my life, I had felt like something was missing. That empty feeling inside of me, kind of vanished when our lips met. I know I took her by surprise, because she was tense for a few seconds before relaxing, and kissing me back. I was absolutely amazed by the sensation of her soft lips brushing against mine.

I tasted weed when I flicked my tongue out, sliding it along her lips. I hadn't meant for it to go this far, but I couldn't help myself. I forgot that Aiden and Kelly were still there. They didn't matter anymore. I felt Ashley's lips open wider, and I gently slid my tongue past them. Her breath coming into my mouth was incredible. I was higher than I had ever been.

---South-Of-Nowhere---

- Ashley -

I hate Aiden. That's all there is to it. It was one thing to ask Kelly and me to do something, but Spencer? She wasn't like us. Then again, I guess he had no way of knowing that.

All my thoughts of hating Aiden were pushed out of my mind when Spencer leaned over to kiss me. I could think of nothing else, but the fact that Spencer had actually just initiated a kiss with me. I thought it would have been the other way around.

I've noticed Spencer changing, lately. She's being more outspoken, more like Kelly and me. I haven't decided if I like it or not. I've tried to stay away from her, to save her from this fate, but it's so hard when you're in love with some one.

I turned my brain off. I shouldn't be thinking right now. I should be kissing her back, because that's what you do when some one you love kisses you. A shiver ran through my spin when she trailed her tongue along my lips, and I had to pull her closer to me to keep myself anchored.

It all came to a screeching halt when I heard Aiden and Kelly cheering us on. We pulled away from each other, and sat in silence for a while. Eventually, I stood up and grabbed Aiden by the wrist, pulling him outside with me. "Don't you ever pull that shit again," I warned, once we were safely outside and away from prying ears.

He threw his hands up in defense. "What? It looked like you were enjoying it."

"That's not the point, Aiden," I said, my voice laced with poison. "She's not like us."

He leaned down close to me, whispering in my ear. "She sure looks like one of us to me."

I was furious, mostly because I knew that he was at least half way right. I had a tendency to corrupt people, and Spencer's no different. I've tried. I really have, but I can't get away from this damn life that I'm in, and I keep dragging innocent people into it. I couldn't stand the fact that I had dragged Spencer into this. I shoved him to the side with little force, and made my way back in.

I stood in the doorway, watching Spencer and Kelly talk about God knows what. Nothing intelligent ever comes out of Kelly's mouth, anyway. I was impressed that Spencer managed to hold a conversation with her. I walked over to her, and held out my hand, waiting for her to take it. When she did, I pulled her off the couch and whispered in her ear, "I'm getting tired. Come to bed with me?"

I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong. I wasn't trying to get in her pants. I just wanted to get her away from Kelly and Aiden. I was surprised when she nodded, but led her to my room, nonetheless. I locked the door behind us, and we got settled in for the night. I wrapped my arm tightly around her waist, trying to protect her the best way I knew how.


	8. Chapter 8

**Review Section**

boberry: Yay for Ashley being sweet and innocent. Well, this seems strangely ironic...

whisperedrainbow: I'm glad you can relate to it. It's always nice to know when you write something that people can truly understand.

Trubelles: Alright, here's more.

Cheebs: Oh, there's still hope for the M rating...

MissingCA: I have found that different circumstances equal slightly different Spencer and Ashley.

Iwasbaffled: Uniqueness is always good.

Justlikeyou: You can never go wrong with giggling.

Rock0rules: I'm glad it was worth it.

SpenceXAsh: Even if you were the only one reading it... I would do my best with this fic. I just get so squeeish every time you post positively.

Chaoschaos: You're right, it would have been redundant. But, I'm glad you took the time to review the last one.

Andi: I'm doing my best to show mercy, just for you.

**Author's Notes**

_Sorry about the short chapter. Also, please don't kill me. I know you'll all want to once you find out what I've done. Also, I've gotten a lot of comments about the 'new' Spencer. Though none of these comments were bad, I'd like to take this time to explain why I've done so. I loved how strong Spencer became towards the end of the season, and how she got over her timid little self, and started making moves on Ashley. I mean, hello, the last episode where she would find any excuse to touch her was adorable. Anyway, I wanted to incorporate that. Plus, she's older now, and is bound to not be so effected by things. So, yeah._

_This chapter is dedicated to Sara, because random ones kick my ass._

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own the South Of Nowhere characters. They belong to Tom Lynch._

**In The Sun**

**Chapter 8**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

- Spencer -

I wonder if Ashley knows how much she captivates me. I bet she doesn't. She doesn't seem to get those kinds of things. Then again, maybe she does and doesn't make a big deal out of them. I wish I knew, but on the other hand, I'm glad I don't, because it's the mystery that makes her so wonderful. My fingers twitch, and I have to fight to keep from touching her all the time. I do steal small brushes of the hand from time to time, but I try not to indulge myself to much, for fear that I'll run her off. She always seems so distant from me, and it's that unattainable edge that helps her position. She always has the upper hand over me, with her stand-offish ways.

I've fallen hard, and I'm not sure how to deal with it.

I'm snapped out of my thoughts by Kelly laying across Ashley and me. "Guess who I called," she said, patting Ashley on the cheek. I was long past getting jealous whenever Kelly flirts with Ashley. It never went anywhere.

"Who?" Ashley humored, seeming only slightly interested.

"Dallas," Kelly answered, simply. I felt Ashley tense up beside me and I brought my face from the text book I was reading to look at her. I watched as her eyelids slowly closed, and let out a breath of air. Who was Dallas, and why did he matter?

"When is he getting here?" she asked Kelly. As if on cue the door opened and a large black man stepped into the apartment. Kelly shot up off of the couch and ran to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. Without a word, they head off to Kelly's room for a few minutes.

"Who's he?" I ask Ashley, after they've disappeared.

"Dallas. He's a dealer," she says, as if that explains everything.

Before she could answer, Kelly came out, sitting next to Ashley. "Hey, I can't afford it alone. Pitch in?"

"Only if I get to try it out, first," she replied, and got up off the couch and went into Kelly's room, Kelly trailing behind.

Something told me this wasn't a normal drug deal. This wasn't weed. I wasn't sure what it was, but I knew it was heavier than anything I'd done before. I needed to figure out how I felt about that. Ashley wasn't stupid. She wouldn't do anything to put herself in a dangerous position, that much I was sure about. I guess it didn't really matter what it was, as long as I trusted Ashley.

The three came out of Kelly's room, and Kelly plopped down beside me, waving to Ashley and Dallas, who were on their way out. I felt a ping of jealousy course through me as I noticed his arm around his waist. I didn't have much time to react, though, because they were already gone.

"What's going on?" I asked Kelly, trying to sound casual. I surprised myself at how well it worked. Or maybe Kelly's just too high all the time to notice.

"Ashley went to go finish 'paying' him."

Realization hit me, and I had to force back vomit. "Is she going to...?" I couldn't bring myself to finish that question.

"No," she said, lighting up a joint. "She's just going to blow him."

---South-Of-Nowhere---

- Ashley -

I imagine the tiny drops of blood coming from my knees staining the concrete as its rough pebbles dig into my skin. Rough hands pull my head closer to the body wedged between me and the wall, and forces the pulsing muscle deeper down my throat. I resist the urge to gag, and force myself to slide my tongue against it, feeling it twitch against my graze. A low obscenity is heard above me, and I can't help but wonder why most girls find this hot. I feel his climax coming and I pull him out of my throat, but keep him in my mouth. I keep Spencer away from my thoughts, as warm, salty liquid floods my sense of taste. This has nothing to do with her. This means nothing. I spit out the white bile filling my mouth, and force myself to smile at Dallas. He smiles back, and hands me a small bag before we make our way back to his car. All I can think is... this powder better be good.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Notes**

_Sorry it's taken so long to get this chapter up. I had to reformat my computer, and in the recent move I made, I had trouble finding my Word Processor re-installation disc. You know how it is. I'd also like to state that ist is not my job to protect you, and that I have done the best job I can do by rating this fic M. It has been my understanding that this rating roughly translates to "not for the faint of heart" and I meant it. If you don't like it, don't read it. I warned you with the rating from one of the earliest chapter. Also note that I haven't been able to get online at my house, and I'm currently at a friend's house, who's not always home, so updates will most likely be erratic. Also note that while typing this, I am in a hurry and on a keyboard I'm not used to, yes they're different. So, if there are more mistakes than usual, I apologize._

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own the South Of Nowhere characters. They belong to Tom Lynch._

**In The Sun**

**Chapter 9**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

- Spencer -

I don't know how many joints I smoked while waiting for Ashley to come back. I didn't think it really mattered how much I smoked. The more I smoked, the more at ease I became with the entire situation. Sure, it sucked that she was out there doing things to Dallas, but there was definitely a reason, and there wasn't any point in me making a fuss over something she probably regretted doing anyway. The pot seemed to put things into persepctive for me.

The relationship between Kelly and Ashley had been growing clearer to me, lately. They had this weird love / hate thing going on. It's hard to explain really, and more of something you just have to accept as the way things are. Ashley always tried to do the right thing, and kelly always pulled her back, and I think that's what drew the two together. Kelly liked the idea of keeping some one close to her, and Ashley liked the idea of being close to some one. That seemed to be all there was to it.

Where do I fit in? I suppose I'm the happy medium of the two. I'm the good girl, desparately trying to break out of the shell that every one has put me in. I'm the girl that's drawn to the girl underneath all of Ashley's insecurities. I'm the girl that Ashley tries to protect, but I seem to take more care of her than she ever does with me. She doesn't know this, though, and I'm okay with keeping it that way. I think I give her a sense of purpose.

Ashley finally comes home, locking the door behind her, and as she approaches, I can tell she's been crying. I was right. She regretted anything that transpired between Dallas and her. There are a few things I want to know, but I'm definitely not upset.

"Kelly, go get your diploma," she instructs before sitting down next to me, reaching underneath the sole of her shoe, and pulling out a small, plastic bag about two inches high, filled with white powder.

I take this time to ask te few questions still in my mind. "Why did you have to do it? Why not Kelly?"

She lets out a shuddering sigh. My tone held no accusations, so I can tell this is alla bout how she feels about the whole situation, and she seems to feel pretty damn bad. "Two reasons. One, I didn't have any money to put in. Two, Dallas likes me more," she answered, not meeting my eyes.

I nodded. The answer made perfect sense to me. Who wouldn't pick Ashley over Kelly? While Ashley tended to think they were exactly the same, Ashley had a better sense of humanity than Kelly did. Let's face it. Who wouldn't choose a human over a zombie?

"What is that?" I asked, pointing to the tiny bag on the coffee table.

This time she looked up at me. I tried to read her ees, but they were hard to decipher. I couldn't tell if she was scared, or excited, or both. "Cocaine," she said, simply.

I tried to check my memory for everything I had ever heard or read about cocaine. I knew it was a natural stimulant, and had a tendency to keep people awake. It was probably a lot like pot in the sense that it wasn't as dangerous as every one would lead you to believe.

Kelly came back out, carrying an exact-o knife, and a high school diploma in a picture frame. She handed the frame to Ashley and set the knife on the table, heading towards the kitchen, and taking a straw from one of the cabinets, cutting a three inch piece off of it. Ashley nimbly took the pane of glass out of the frame and set it's contents gently on the other side of the coffee table, away from harm. When Kelly came back with the straw, she handed all of the items over to Kelly, who wasted no time in shoveling a small amount of the white powder onto the pane of glass with the exact-o.

"So," she addressed us. "Two lines or three?"

I didn't give Ashley time to answer for me. She had tried to do it in the past, and i appreciated it, but I was a big girl, and I could take care of myself.

"Three."

---South-Of-Nowhere---

- Ashley -

My hands were shaking when I got home, but they're quite steady now as I draw up two more lines for Spencer and me. Kelly's had her fill and has gone to bed, but I hate to leave coke around, too illegal for my liking.

If I had my way, Spencer wouldn't be doing this with me, now. But, I didn't get my way, and she seemed to want to continue doing it. That's fine with me. At least I have some one to help me finish off this shit.

Before we started, I did ask her if she had any health problems. She told me she didn't, and I hope she was telling the truth. Coke is bad shit to be doing if you've got a weak heart, or something like that.

I was to the point now, where I couldn't decide if i was hot or cold. Spencer was far past that. Spencer had hit the depressed stage, because for the past five minutes, she's been talking about how she thinks that no one gets her but me. She never spoke that way before, and I know it's the coke talking. It's quite possible that what she's saying is true, but it's still different for her to act this way.

The coke in my nostrils had started to dry, and harden. We didn't have much left out of our original gram, but we had done enough for me to be to the point of wanting it to be gone. I was ready to stop snorting, and just chill before going to bed. I was at the best stage of my coke high.

I let Spencer do the first line this round, considering i had done the first last time. I held her hair back as the coke in front of her disappeared into the straw and up her nose. She pulled back, tapping the straw on the glass and picking up whatever particles from her line she missed with her finger, placing it on her tongue. She learns quick. Already, she's learned not to let any coke go to waste.

We finally hit the last of the bag, and a sense of relief and pleasure washes over me as the last of the coke hits my sinuses, seeping into my bloodstream. I've had a drip threatening for a while now, and i'm glad it's waited until there was no more coke to come. I press down on the bridge of my nose, opening up my nasal passages and inhale deply, shuddering as coke-filled mucus slides down my throat.

There are fingertips on my cheek, and a familiar warmth courses through me. Coke enhances a person's sense of touch, and I feel as if I'm being engulfed in an inferno.

"Are you okay?" Spencer's concerned voice breaks through my ears. I look over at her and smile, kissing her palm, hoping she'll take this to mean 'yes.'

"Come here," she says, softly, trailing her fingers down my arms, and grasping my hand, pulling me to her. She slides back on the couch, and I find myself on top of her, breathing already eratic, as her mouth finds mine.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note**

_Luckily for me, and you guys, my friend is home today. Therefore, you get an update. She is going somewhere tomorrow and will be gone for several days, so I don't know when the next update will be available. Sex involving underage teens makes me squeamish. Spencer and Ashley aren't underage in this fic..._

**In The Sun**

**Chapter 10**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

- Spencer -

The doorknob dug roughly into my back when I was pressed against it after moving into Ashley's room. Her lips were on mine, but her hands were everywhere else. I had never felt this way before. This was a pleasure beyond any language known to man.

I let out a moan from deep inside me as nails grazed along my stomach, pulling my shirt over my head. My lips felt cold for a moment as the garment was lifted off, but the warmth of Ashley's mouth quickly settled back onto my lips.

Lips moved to my neck, gently sucking and biting as I felt fingertips fumble with the buttons on my pants. I pry her hands away, not ready for that just yet. It'll happen tonight, but I'm in no hurry. Ashley doesn't like being told what to do, though, and it's not long before my hands are pinned above my head, as her kisses move to my collarbone, tugging at the strap of my bra with her teeth.

I press my body further into hers, trying for all the contact I can get. Touching has become ultra sensitive, and I'm taking full advantage of it. Somehow, I've managed to free my hands from above my head and they've found her cheeks, forcing her mouth back to mine hard. Ashley allows me the upper hand for a few minutes, giving me enough time to back her onto the bed and straddle her hips, my hands finding the hem of her shirt and pushing it up, revealing her stomach to me.

I stop for a moment to take in the sight before me the best I can in the dimly lit room. My fingers brush over the contours of her perfect abdomen. I watch as it rises and falls with her breathing. She breathes like a musician, drawing air in from her stomach instead of her chest, like most people. I lean down and place gentle kisses along the center of her stomach, smiling as the flesh shudders beneath my lips. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her arms move, and she is rising to take off her shirt.

I am found on my back, with a knee jammed between my legs, and I feel my hips grinding against the foreign limb of their own will. Nimble fingers are unfastening my pants, and soft lips are kissing trails down my stomach. I bury my fingers in her brown hair and pull her back up to me, needing to feel those lips on mine again.

When her fingers enter me, my body arches off the bed, but she stops what she's doing. With her free hand, she smooths the hair out of my face and traces the outline of my lips. "Are you okay?" she asks, and I'm overcomee with emotion. I seem to have forgotten how to speak, so instead I begin moving my hips against her hand and pull her down for a kiss. She doesn't seem to need another answer as she begins to move inside me.

In my hazed state, I'm filled with the need to touch her. After several moments of searching, my hand finds its way between her legs. I'm hesitant, never having done this before, but the amazing pleasure she's giving me tells me to move my hand forward, and my fingers are washed with the warm wetness from Ashley. I begin to copy her movements as her hips start moving with my hand and she moans onto my nipple as she nips at it with her teeth.

When I cam, I felt her body spasm in my arms and knew that she had reached her climax as well. She collapsed on top of me, head in the crook of my neck, and my name whispered from her lips. After a few moments of breathing, she repositioned herself so we were both comfortable, but where she was still wrapped up in me.

---South-Of-Nowhere---

- Ashley -

We didn't stay in each other's arms for long. I couldn't stay there. Something in the back of my mind told me this was wrong. When she has fallen asleep, I gently untangle myself from her and make my way to the bathroom.

I flick on the light and look at my reflection in the mirror. I take in my disheveled hair, and smudged lipstick. I look down at my hands, fingers slightly curved, and remember where they've been. I look back up at my face, and it's then that the magnitude of what I've just done hits me head on.

I just slept with Spencer when she was coked up.

This wasn't good. I mean, sleeping with Spencer was incredible, but the circumstances in which it happened left much to be desired. This meant that everything was physical. At least for her. I remember when she touched my hand in the woods towards the beginning of the semester, and how flustered I got by it. She always seemed collected when it came to physical things, but once the coke hit her system and made her want to touch things, it was like she was a different person.

I had no idea what any of this mean, anymore. I tried so hard to keep her from all of this, but I failed. The only option for me that i saw, was to simply be with her for as long as she wants me.

But, how can she want me if she doesn't know what she wants?

I can't stand to look at myself anymore, so I opt for taking a shower. I turn the water all the way to hot, and try to burn all of the negative out of me. It doesn't work. I watch my skin redden as the hot water slides down my body.

My thoughts wander again to Spencer, and how I've corrupted yet another innocent, and I punch at my thighs in frustration. It's not long before I sink to the floor of the shower, the water cascading onto me, letting my tears come like blows.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Notes**

_I apologize for the short chapters that I'm ending this fic with. It's easier to cut the sequence of events this way. So, yeah, chapters are short. Get over it. This is definitely one of my shortest chapters... ever. Sorry about that. The next one should be longer, but I don't know how much longer._

**In The Sun**

**Chapter 11**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

- Spencer -

"I hate finals!" Ashley yelled from the living room.

I wiped my hands on my jeans and stepped out of the bathroom, to find Ashley exactly the way I left her; sitting in front of her open Theory book, chewing on her eraser. I had tried to learn a little bit of Music Theory one time, but I swear, all those symbols and words are made up. Musicians are weird. I can't figure out how she's managed to maintain an A in that class. Supposedly it only gets worse from here.

I walked over and sat beside her, wrapping her in my arms. Kelly hadn't been around lately, and I really didn't care where she ran off to. "It'll be okay, Baby," I whispered before kissing her earlobe.

I felt her shiver beneath me, but I didn't get long to revel in that feeling. "I could go for some coke," she mumbled. "It would help me study."

"Well, you know," I said, shifting over to the coffee table so I could look at her. "I've been saving up my money. I was thinking we could get an eight-ball..."

Her eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Yes, really," I replied, before tapping her on the nose. "But, after exams. It may help you study, but if we get you coked up, you'll never go to class." I loved teasing her, mostly because I knew that she loved it, too.

"Alright, so exams, and then finish the semester with a bang, right? Sweet. Oh, hey, let's wait until I can sell my books back, and we'll use that money, too, so no one has to do anything with Dallas." She had apologized for that countless times. I ran out of ways to tell her that it was okay, and that I understood. But, it would be nice to have a little help with payment, I had to admit that.

---South-Of-Nowhere

- Ashley -

I've been trying to be a litter freer with Spencer lately, a little more lax. I don't own her, and I never will. I have to let her make her own mistakes, as much as it hurts me to do so. Maybe one day she'll realize that she's better than all of this, better than me, but until that day comes, I'm going to keep her as close as I can.

My exams went pretty well, actually, and Spencer said hers went well, too. I had already preregistered for my classes next semester, and everything seemed to be on track. Tonight was the night that we were going to party.

We had to do a few lines with Dallas, because that was his way. He always got a little fucked up before he sold his shit. I think he suffered from separation anxiety. He tried to talk Spencer and me into doing things with him, but we had enough money, and kicked him out as soon as possible.

It was one of the best nights of my life for a while. I didn't have any school to worry about, I was with the girl I loved. Who could ask for more? Deftones pulsed through the speakers in the living room, their slow morbidness contrasting with our hyped up moods.

I started to feel really cold, though I was sweating. My breathing became shallow, and it felt like I couldn't get enough air into my lungs. "Spencer," I mumbled.

Something was wrong. I didn't know what it was. I was lying on the couch, Spencer above me, dabbing at my forehead with a cool, damp cloth. My heart broke at the worried expression on her face. Vision kept coming and going.

I was vaguely aware of being half dragged, half carried down the stairs and to my car, being thrown into the backseat, and the world beginning to rumble, and move beneath me.

Something was very wrong.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Notes**

_This chapter may feel a little rushed. I did that on purpose._

**In The Sun**

**Chapter 12**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

- Spencer -

Camisado by Panic! At The Disco screamed at me through the car speakers on the way to the hospital. We had put this CD in one night when we were out driving after a coke binge. The fast pace of the music went perfectly with out mood.

_Can't take the kid from the fight  
Take the fight from the kid_

I shut off the CD player, and opted to drive the rest of the way in silence. It was all I could do to keep from breaking into tears at the sound of those words. I didn't have time for that now. Ashley needed help.

Luckily, there was a hospital just down the road from the campus. When I got there, I had to work harder to get Ashley out of the car than I did when trying to get her in. She was less coherent now, and I couldn't help but think that I had gotten there just in time.

Inside, nurses ran to me, seeing an almost lifeless body in my hands. Normally, when I go into an ER I have to wait a while, but I guess they saw the urgency in this case. A nurse stayed behind as the rest carried Ashley away from me. I was only half paying attention to the questions she was asking me. I remember giving her my name and Ashley's.

I don't know how long I waited in that brown waiting room. I called Kelly to tell her what was going on. She told me I was stupid for bring Ashley here, that we would both go to jail. She didn't get the fact that I didn't care if I went down, as long as Ashley would still live. I couldn't believe that Kelly wasn't as worried as I was. Some friends you have there, Ashley.

The same nurse that talked to me from before came and sat by me, handing me a cup of coffee. I held the Styrofoam cup in my hands, letting the warmth seep into my palms, but that's as far as the comfort reached. There was a soothing hand on my back, rubbing small circles.

"Do you have anyone that you can call? Some one that can be here with you to share this grief?" I heard from beside me.

My head snapped up. "Grief? Ashley's not okay?"

The nurse seemed to realize what she had said. "I didn't mean it like that, Sweetie. They don't know, yet. But, I'm sure it isn't easy being here by yourself."

I waved her off. "I'm fine." Ashley didn't seem to have any other real friends. It looked like I was it.

I began to sip at the coffee in my hands, not realizing how dry my throat had been until the warm liquid passed over my tongue. This waiting was killing me. I hated not knowing how things were going to turn out. I thought about calling Aiden, but remembered what Ashley had told me one time about him smoking pot, and only smoking pot. He wasn't as much of a druggie as the rest of us, and I didn't even know if he knew about Ashley's coke habits.

I stretched out across three chairs, not really looking for comfort, but needing to stretch my muscles. A man in a long white coat appeared before me. "Spencer Carlin?"

"Yes," I said, standing up.

"We're doing the best we can to stabilize her, but--"

"But, what?"

He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Ashley's gone into cardiac arrest."

---South-Of-Nowhere---

Ashley -

I fought sleep for as long as I could. Really, I did, but eventually I had to give in. My body was shaking, and I was tired. The last thing I felt before consciousness left me was several hands trying to hold my body down.

They wouldn't let me go to sleep. My heart was either pounding out of my chest, or not beating at all.

I felt my body jerk.

They won't let me sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Notes**

_Okay, folks, this is the end of In The Sun. There will be a sequel, but it'll take a little more time than usual to get it up. I'm kind of burned out right now, and I need a break. I hope you guys will understand. The sequel will be called The Sun And The Moon, so keep a look out. I want to say thank you to everyone that has stuck with me through this piece. I know a lot of you were afraid of what I was doing with them. I really appreciated all of your support._

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own the South Of Nowhere characters. They belong to Tom Lynch. The lyrics used in this chapter are from the song "In The Sun" by Joseph Arthur._

**In The Sun**

**Chapter 13**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

- Spencer -

My sneakers echoed through the hall as I made my way down to where they were keeping Ashley. My footsteps were unbelievably loud in my ears, even though the hall was bustling with nurses running around. I grew more uncertain with every step I took. I had no idea what to expect.

I waited an agonizing fifteen minutes after Dr. Brown told me she had gone into cardiac arrest. Fifteen minutes of Ashley's life hanging on the line. I both hoped for, and dreaded the doctor's return. Maybe I didn't want to know.

They had explained that they found a large amount of cocaine in her bloodstream, and this was simply a case of overdosing. Of course, I knew all of that, but I guess they felt the need to tell me. I couldn't help but wonder why it wasn't me in that bed. She's the one who had built up an immunity to it. It took her more to get high, it should have taken her more to overdose, too.

I guess the amount needed for an OD is different for everybody. Maybe my heart's just stronger, though I couldn't believe that for a second.

I tried to remember how I got here. I tried to remember how my life had stopped being about finding myself and started being about getting high. No, it was never about that. I know that for sure. It was about her. My life was completely about Ashley, so much so that I forgot who I was.

What good was I to her if I didn't even know myself?

I stopped outside of her room, and stared at her form through the tiny rectangle of glass in the door. She looked so frail, and small, with wires coming from her arms into machines that gave her the things her body couldn't right now. She was always small, but she looked outright tiny, now. She looked almost breakable, and I found myself missing that strong woman I had met in the library. I noticed, for the first time, that her hair had started to lose its volume, and she had dark circles around her eyes. She looked like death warmed over, and I idly wondered if I looked the same.

Pushing on the heavy hospital door, I entered her room. The sterility and reality of everything hit me in that moment. The florescent lights were too bright, trying to make something light out of something so dark. She had been asleep, but her eyes fluttered open at the sound of the door slamming behind me. We sat there looking at each other for a long moment, and we knew. We knew everything.

I approached her, and sat on the side of her bed, taking her hand in mine. There was no fire in this gesture. No sparks flew between us. This was dull, and painful, like a cutter desperately needing to hurt themselves, but only having a ball point pen. I opened my mouth to speak, but somehow couldn't find words.

"I'm sorry." She was the first to break the silence between us, and I saw a ghost of who she used to be. But, it was only a ghost.

I tore my gaze away from her eyes. I couldn't think of anything better to look at, so I closed them, finding it easier to deal with all of this if I didn't have to see her. "Ashley, I--"

"Please," I heard her say with such a sound of pleading in her voice. What was left of my heart was breaking. She knew what was coming.

"Ashley, I love you, but--"

"Please, Spence..." This time I heard tears in her voice. I finally found enough courage to look at her again, and confirmed the fact that she was crying. I had never seen her cry before.

I wanted to cry with her, to show her that this was hurting me, too. I couldn't. I felt robbed that my tears were being held from me by some outside force. I felt the tears behind my eyes, but they refused to surface. I tried to will them into being, but they just wouldn't come.

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, searching for the right words. My hand moved to cup her face, her skin feeling loose and rubbery beneath my fingers. "I can't. Not like this," I said, with a gentle shake of my head.

I watched as she leaned into my hand, and let her tears come freely. She had been fighting a losing battle with them before, but now she had given up the fight.

As we sat there, the song she had first played for me that first day came crashing back into my mind.

_I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong  
And falling on your knees asking for sympathy  
And being caught in between all you wished for and all you need  
And trying to find anything, you can feel, that you can believe in  
May God's love be with you  
Always_

It took everything I had to pry my hand away from her face. With a final apologetic look, I got up and headed towards the door.

---South-Of-Nowhere---

- Ashley -

When she came in, she looked stronger than I had ever seen her, though it was apparent that she was incredibly shaken.

I had known what was coming before she said it. In my heart, I knew that she was right. I couldn't keep doing this to her. It wasn't fair, but still, I tried to stop it. I pleaded. I needed her.

Her hand was so warm against my cold cheek, and I would have given anything to keep her there. But, as she walked away from me, I saw the damage that I had done. She had lost a significant amount of weight, and lost a lot of her color. Anyone could tell she was on something just by looking at her. How could I have done that to her?

_I know I would apologize if I could see your eyes  
Cause when you showed me myself you know, I became some one else  
But I was caught in between all you wished for, and all you need  
I picture you fast asleep, a nightmare comes, you can't keep away  
May God's love be with you  
Always_

"I know, Spencer. I do love you. And I am sorry," I managed to say before she left. I saw her give me a small nod and a sad smile, and then she was gone.

The doctors kept me for a couple of days, wanting to make sure I was going to stay stable and okay. Apparently, I had some kind of mild heart attack causing me to go into cardiac arrest. It seems my heart's been through a lot, lately.

Kelly was surprisingly kind enough to pick me up from the hospital. We shared a rigid hug, not really knowing what to say to each other, and not really knowing if we wanted to in the first place. I stayed cooped up in my mother's house for a few days, considering we were out of school, and the campus was closed. I didn't dare call Spencer, afraid that she'd hang up on me, or worse, talk to me. I didn't think I could handle the sound of her voice at the time.

I needed to change. That much was obvious, but I couldn't do it by myself. I wasn't strong enough. I needed help.

_Well, I don't know anymore what it's for, I'm not even sure  
If there is anyone who is in the sun, won't you help me to understand  
Cause I've been caught in between all I wished for and all I need  
Maybe you're not even sure what it's for anymore like me  
May God's love be with you  
Always_

"Sign here," the woman at the rehab center said to me, kindness in her voice.

With a shaky hand, I scratched my name on the dotted line she was pointing to, signing my life over to the doctors, and nurses, and psychologists until they felt I was no longer a danger to myself and those around me.

_Cause if I find  
If I find my way  
What else will I find?_

**To Be Continued In The Sun And The Moon**


End file.
